The old cliche is that you can't choose family. For better or worse, blood relationships are assigned through accident of birth rather than decisions based on shared interests and experiences. As my cousin, I didn't choose Danny. Like so many others on my father's side who were escaping the poverty and violence that plague El Salvador, he suddenly came into my life through family resources and networks that carried him from Central America into the United States. He arrived as a pesky little kid, a bicho who always wanted to tag along with his older cousins despite all manner of abuses we constantly directed toward him. Of course, and as anyone who knows Danny intimately, there is little anyone can do to discourage him once his mind is set. We grudgingly accepted our fate and reluctantly brought him into the fold.
Danny always had a large and loud sense of humor that was often as inappropriate as it was hilarious. When he initially came into my life, the size of his humor was in sharp contrast to his physique. He was maybe 80 lbs -- 75 percent of which I'm convinced was purely pupusas -- and stood well below my shoulders. Within just a few years, like some type of Salvadoran superhero who ate a potent batch of curtido, it seemed like I could always feel the ground rumble a few minutes before he arrived. At 6'5" and 220 lbs, 75 percent of which I was still convinced was purely pupusas, Danny had somehow grew into his giant sense of humor. That being said, despite his new frame, his heart remained extraordinarily gentle and caring. At times this powerful combination of brawn and benevolence translated into acts like breaking up a large and violent brawl of strangers with one hand while protecting a slice of pizza in the other. Sometimes it meant speaking up to protect a queer man being harassed during a bus trip home on New Year's Day (and subsequently letting him know he was not interested after he commented on the size of Danny's hands). On occasion, unfortunately, it also proved debilitating as he sometimes took on more than he could handle, maybe more than any of us could handle given the same circumstances, and what he perceived as his shortcomings seemed to hurt him deeply and intensely.
Although we had our issues with each other over the years -- issues that are rooted in both my shortcomings as well as those of Danny -- I grew to love and appreciate him deeply and in ways I wish I could have fully expressed to him before he passed. Danny encouraged me to be more spontaneous and present in the world. In retrospect, it seems like he knew his time with us was very limited and he was determined to help us understand that we are precious, life is truly a miracle, and we should seek to celebrate each day as the next is not guaranteed.
When all is said and done, as the cliche goes, it is true that we do not choose family. Danny was brought into my life by accident of birth. That being said, I would choose him as my cousin again and again and again. Thank you Danny for being you. Thank you for being all of you. Give my love to my Dad, Abuelita, and Sunny. See you on the other side primo. ❤️
