Alan Tanenbaum's Obituary
Alan Lee Tanenbaum was a man of extraordinary warmth, humor, wisdom, intelligence, and integrity. In his time, he engaged in law and in science, instruction and arbitration, square dancing, cycling, piloting, and traveling. He was a loving husband to Georgette, brother to Elaine and Greta, father to Terry, Charles, Marc, and Aaron, grandfather to Adam, Jonah, Elizabeth, Keevan, Rebecca, and Martha, great-grandfather to Madeline and Oliver, and friend, colleague, and mentor to countless others.Alan was born in Brooklyn, New York in 1940. He studied at Columbia, Syracuse, and Santa Clara Universities. He was married twice, had two children and two step-children. After a career as an accomplished astrophysicist, he went on to become an even more accomplished family lawyer. He was president of the California Association of Certified Family Law Specialists, and of Silicon Valley Jewish Family Services. He was an art docent, an active participant in Beyond War, EST, and Landmark, a licensed pilot, an enthusiastic world traveller, and a sometimes look-alike of both Steve Martin and Rich Little.So much for the facts, which – as in any obituary – tell you little about the man. The anecdotes tell you much more.Probably the most popular story about Alan was his appearance on the game show Dream House with his first wife, Susan. As part of vetting contestants for the show, the host asked audience members to describe their previous night’s meal. Others described dishes of chicken, meatloaf, and spaghetti, but Alan twigged what the host was after. When it came his turn, he waxed poetic (perhaps melodramatic) on the virtues of Susan’s cooking. A star was born and a pair of contestants were made. In the course of five episodes of the show, Susan and Alan bested ten other couples and answered a broad range of trivia questions, finally managing to win a Piper Cherokee airplane, which they named “Pushkin” after the answer to their most challenging question on the show. This plane was the setting for many later adventures, including the family’s migration a year later out to California.An example of Alan’s mischievous sense of humor (and Susan’s) was the scandalous birth announcement they sent out for their first child, Terry. Their pet cat, Voncie, had recently given birth to a litter of kittens, so the birth announcement (fronted with a picture of cat and kittens) read “Voncie Tanenbaum is pleased to announce the birth of her kittens.” In smaller type near the bottom: “Susan and Alan are also pleased to announce the birth of their baby girl, Terry.” A great sense of humor was to be a hallmark of Alan’s life.A guiding set of principles informed Alan’s life. He believed strongly in constantly striving for better communication and greater understanding. His unorthodox interpretation of the lawyer’s duty to “zealously represent their client” included not only what his client wanted, but also a better understanding and acceptance of what was reasonable for the other party to receive. In the context of family law, he believed this meant allowing everyone in the proceeding to walkaway feeling as if they had won something. In this way, his client was “zealously represented” not just for the moment, but for the future. Marc tells a story from a summer when he clerked for Alan. Entering opposing counsel’s office to deliver some paperwork, one of the secretaries instantly recognized him as Alan’s son by family resemblance. While the papers were being signed, she leaned over to him and whispered, “I just want you to know: your Dad is one of the good guys!”Georgette has been Alan’s constant companion since the two were married in 1978. She brought with her two sons, Charles and Aaron. The two met through EST, then made the dubious choice to bring all four kids with them on their Hawaiian honeymoon. It was arguably mayhem, but the entire family bonded over one of Alan’s first look-alike experiences when a man on the street shouted: “You! You know who you look like?! You look like Steve Martin!”Together, Alan and Georgette have journeyed around the world, including trips as far afield as Russia, Peru, Antarctica, and Sierra Leone. Together, they finished building a half-constructed house in Los Gatos, bicycled the Dordogne in France, participated in Landmark and Beyond War, and explored their mutual love of art. Georgette looked after Alan through his Parkinson’s, and Alan maintained a positive outlook, even as the disease did its destructive work. He told his niece Robin: “It’s not how you fight the disease that matters. It’s how you live with it.”Alan was 78 when he died. His memorial will be 9:30 am on Tuesday, August 7 at Skylawn Memorial Park in San Mateo.
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